Bad Day for Brownies

Friday, 29 July 2016

My day was planned, i was going to my boyfriends at 1pm. Unforunately at 12:55 i got up and felt a horrible bowel movement coming on. I needed a dump BADLY! I walked carefully to the bathroom while feeling my gut exploding inside. I had reached the bathroom but no toilet paper!!! I then once again carfully went upstairs and said to my little brother “i really hope we have toilet paper!” as i walked down stairs i farted a lot in a gross noise, i mean gross!

As i reached the bathroom i lifted my skirt up (easier) and plummeted onto the seat farting out bits of gunge, then i felt the big one, with no effort a massive log came out of me. That was finally over, i got to my boyfriends at about  in the end because all the cleaning up i had to do. It weren’t over though as i felt so much pressure in my lower body, i had to fart, i knew that it was one of those quiet ones so i let it rip.

Mistake! It stunk! Luckily he didn’t ask but i know that he knew i did it. I lied saying that i must leave to babysit my brother, he just said ok. I quickly left in a hurry knowing that i was gonna shit myself as my stomach was gurguling insanly. When i got in i tried clenching my arse as i couldn’t stop these violent farts from coming out. But then it turned from bad to worse, i had made a mess, poo came running down my legs as i did not have tight underwear on, the whole accident itself lasted at least half a minute and it was a very noisey poo, i was kind of squatting and cursing. There was a lot to clean up, and thankfully none of my family realized. I got rid of my skirt and my panties.
That was the worst poo experiance that i have ever had to do!!!

Originally posted 2010-01-26 07:36:00.

Quick and Dirty Shitty Story

Friday, 29 July 2016

When I was four years old I was out on the playground playing with my friends when I was hit by the urge. Being a four year old kid and, unwilling to walk away from my important game of tag, I did not cease to the warning and continued to play. After the inevitable transpired I was naturally approached by my teacher to find out what was the matter. After careful deliberation I looked up and explained to my teacher that it wasn’t actually me that shit their pants…..It was her. Needless to say she didn’t buy it..

Originally posted 2006-11-13 08:06:00.

First Date Poop Story

Thursday, 28 July 2016

The first time I had my present girlfriend over I thought I would be slick and make her dinner. For the most part I am only capable of making lasgna so, we had lasgna. I spent a couple hours getting everything set so when she got there everything was perfect. We sat down, ate and everything went well. After dinner we elected to go get a few drinks at nearby bar. When we returned we, for the most part, went directly to bed. A few hours later I woke up to my girlfriend getting out of bed and going in to the bathroom. I drifted back to sleep and about a minute later was awakened by what I thought was a freighter taking port in my bathroom. The sound frightened me in a way that made me considering either jumping under my bed or perhaps out the window. When I regained my composure I decided the best way to handle the situation was to pretend I was still asleep. She came back to bed a couple minutes later and I drifted off just to be awakened by another, larger freighter docking in my bathroom. In a moment of panic I forgot to fake being asleep and met her eyes as she came out. Come to find out she is lactose intolerant and ate the lasgna just to be nice. She is truly a better person than me.

Originally posted 2006-05-09 21:00:00.

Doctor knows best

Thursday, 28 July 2016

I had to go have an ultrasound and sonogram (internal), to discover how bad the endometriosis was and how it was effecting my insides. The appointment was very early in the morning, and I slept in late, so I had a bagel and went on my merry little way.
At the doctors I started to feel my tummy rumble a little. I didn’t think anything of it because I hadn’t eaten a real breakfast and was nervous about the diagnosis. So when it was my turn, I was in for a surprise.
The appointment when an hour longer then necessary. While they filled me up with fluids, I felt that similar rumble in my tummy. The doctor told me to use the restroom, and I told her I would be fine.
It wasn’t until I got home that shit hit the wall (literally).
I was out front of my parents house talking to my grandpa on the phone. My parents left to go to an auction, when it hit me. And I mean it HIT me. The cold sweats, the clenching of the meat cheeks, the heavy breathing… Everything. I tried to get off the phone, but my grandpa wouldn’t stop talking. I finally hung up on him, telling myself I would tell him my phone died.
I ran to the side door and grabbed the handle,keeping my thighs as close and as tight as I could. The door was locked. I waddled to the back door, having to stop every ten seconds because of the abuse on my chocolate starfish. The back door was locked. At this point, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to make it. I sat on the ground trying as hard as I could to keep it in, then decided it was time.
I started walking towards the back corner of the back yard, cheeks clenched and ass sticking out. Everything from my belly button down hurt. About halfway to the corner, it started. Liquid flowed from my ass crack and there was nothing I could to stop it. At this point I was sobbing, asking myself “WHY!?” over and over. I made it to the corner of the yard and it looked like someone sprayed a fire extinguisher full of shit all over the side of my parents shed. The worst part was, I have never seen ANYTHING in my life that green. I thought it was going to burn through the metal on the shed and leave holes in the ground. Straight up looked like melted pistachio ice cream mixed with green food coloring.
I squatted in the corner crying my eyes and asshole out for about ten mins, until I decided I was finished. It was EVERYWHERE! All over my pants, my leg, the shed, the ground… I was so pissed off at my parents for locking their doors. I knew I needed to take a shower, so I went around the house trying to force doors open. It was then I realized there was a window open. I hosed myself down a little so I wouldn’t drip acid green ass vomit all over the floor.
Ad I ed in through the window, my moms dog started growling at me. Pissed off at the world, I screamed at the top of my lungs… “SHUT UP I JUST SHIT MY PANTS!!” He tucked his tail between his legs, seemingly feeling sorry for me.
I ripped my clothes off and shoved them in the washing machine, and took a shower. When I came out, my parents were home. The first thing my mom said?
“What smells like shit?”

Originally posted 2010-05-28 15:17:00.

My hellish flight to Australia

Wednesday, 27 July 2016

Nobody knows this story to this day… until now!

I was 18, and just about to go on my gap year to Australia. I was needless to say a little nervous at travelling alone for the first time (and the fact that it was a 23 hour journey from the UK where I live), and so, as they often do in nervous situations, my bowels were definitely not themselves.

My dad drove me to the airport and suggested we get dinner before I went through to departures. I (foolishly) agreed. I chose a steak with a creamy peppercorn sauce off the menu and it was lovely. I though “ah thats better. I feel good now. No need to worry.” How very wrong I was…

I got on the plane and all was well for about 4 hours, until suddenly I felt the dreaded stomach clench. I started to sweat uncontrollably and knew that the worst was yet to come.

A stroke of luck hit at that point- being so early on in the journey there was no queue for the toilet. So I gingerly got up and slowly walked, cheeks clenched, to the toilet. I sat down and let out some absolutely hideous farts that smelt of rotten fish before feeling an odd sensation on my ass. I looked down, horrified, instead of shit coming from my ass there was a clear ‘super-glue-esque’ substance dripping down into the toilet that smelt to high heaven! I looked to my right to see that there was no toiler paper! WHY ON EARTH WAS THERE NO TOILET PAPER AT THE START OF THE FLIGHT?!?!?! I quickly improvised by using the tissues left on the basin for blowing your nose, ignoring the ‘do not flush these tissues’ sign and with horror wiped the sticky, stinking mess from my ass. I thought all would be ok now but the farts kept on coming. I got up and left the toilet and went back to my seat, leaving stinking farts all the way down the isle.

During the flight I made 6 journeys to the toilet to face this fishy hell and when I finally arrived to Australia 19 hours after the first BM I was a sweaty, fishy mess.

TOP TIP… Never EVER decide that eating to settle a bad stomach is a good idea. Especially before an international flight!

Originally posted 2011-05-05 08:31:00.

Poop….. A Love Story.

Wednesday, 27 July 2016

A few years back, I ended a long term relationship with a girl whom I thought would eventually become my wife.  We met in high school and dated for almost 8 years, but things and people change and we went our separate ways.  As all good friends do, they constantly wanted me to come out to the bars in hopes of getting me laid and help me through the “moving on” phase. It definately helped, but this was only fun for so long.

Complaining one day to a co-worker about my situation, she suggested I try one of those online dating services and recommended EHarmony, as this site was how she and her current boyfriend had met.  I agreed to give it a try and within a few weeks I was dating.

I had met a girl with whom I shared many common interests and we eventually started talking on the phone.  Things were going great and it was finally time to move on to the next phase and meet face to face.  We set a date to meet for dinner on the following Friday night.

Friday came and I went to lunch with a few friends from work anticipating my date later that night.  Hindsight is always 20/20 as I reflect back on that fateful night and the food choices I had made at lunchtime.  We had gone to a Chinese restaurant and unfortunately for me, I ate one too many egg rolls.  Not thinking ahead about what Chinese does to my insides and the farts that the cabbage in egg rolls causes, I stuffed my face.

That night I suited up and was off to my date.  On the way to the restaurant I began to suffer severe gas pains and stunk up my car with the rancid and violent farts I was letting.  I knew I should have sat on the toilet before leaving my house, but I was running a little late.

We met, had drinks and the conversation was going great when all of the sudden I had to fart.  “Oh Jesus, not now” echoed in my head.  In hopes of her not hearing the fart I squeezed my butt cheeks  together as tight as I could and let it fly. I pushed out for nearly 5 seconds before I realized that….. IT WASN’T AIR.  Having just filled my boxers with excrement, I excused myself and made a bee-line for the restroom.  Crap oozed down my legs on the way to the bathroom and I wanted to cry.  I threw my boxers in the trashcan, cleaned off my suit pants the best I could(luckily my suit was black), and devised a story.

I returned to the table and told her my mother had called while I was in the restroom and informed me that my sister had been in a car accident.  I told her I had to go, threw down a fifty, and headed for home.  I called the next day and apologized and she seemed to understand.  We dated for a about month before I finally told her what had happened on that horrible first date.  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make her laugh that loud again!!!!  We continued to date and eventually got married and are expecting our first child next month.  Lesson learned—Pooping your pants doesn’t always end badly.

Originally posted 2010-05-20 22:59:00.

Same Shit, Different Day

Tuesday, 26 July 2016

So, I was at work in the newsroom in Los Angeles, talking on the phone with an associate on the East Coast. I had a violent sneeze for which I apologized. In the next few seconds I realized something had gone terribly wrong. I exclaimed, “I gotta go!” when, apparently, I already had. And it wasn’t just a small leakage of the rectal cavity it was a full-blown explosion the covered not just the crack, but my ass cheeks, as well. When I arose from my Herman Miller chair, I realized that my underpants were soaked and it was leaking down my legs, infusing my Levi’s 501′s. I made it to the bathroom as fast as I could to rip off the clothing. It took nearly a roll of toilet paper to clean-up the initial damage. The underwear were a total loss and were stashed at the bottom of the bathroom garbage. Then using some paper towels and water, I cleaned the 501′s the best I could. I re-dressed, sans underwear, and headed for home calling my friend to explain what happened. He was laughing so hard he almost shit himself! When I arrived at home I realized the shit had had also tainted T-Shirt. I took off the close and hosed them down in the alley, before putting them in the washing machine. I threw myself in the shower and was back at work before anyone knew I was gone. Give new meaning to the phrase, “Same Shit, different day!”

Originally posted 2009-01-07 09:56:00.

First Video Poop Story Submission

Tuesday, 26 July 2016

Today we received our first video poop story submission! Recording a video of yourself telling a poop story takes some bowels. The story starts about a minute into the video.


Originally posted 2009-10-25 10:43:00.

The Standing Box

Monday, 25 July 2016

I felt in my spirit since my Mom’s death in January that the Phillies were destined to reach the playoffs. I had no idea it would happen in such a dramatic fashion. The Mets’ collapse this season reminded me of another amazing downfall: the Phillies’ in 1964. The story I am about to share took place in the fall of 1964. LBJ was President, and New York hosted the World’s Fair. This column is not that dreadful baseball season, though it is about something that happened to me that fall. It was, of course, and will remain a far less known event than those others.
It happened the second week of September. I had just turned ten, and with autumn’s arrival I enjoyed going back to school. In our special education unit we had the basic reading, writing, math, phonics and more. We also had physical and speech therapy.

Part of the physical therapy for some of us was the “standing box.” Those who needed it would spend about half an hour each day in the box, with leg braces locked at the knees. While in the standing box you could do your class work.

I liked to read in the standing box. It helped me to pass the time. I also liked to do word searches and crossword puzzles. The standing box was a great way to stretch one’s hamstrings, as the reading and word games were good for stretching the mind.

Like many physically disabled people, since my childhood I have had bouts with constipation. Occasionally, I don’t go for days. At such times, Mom or Dad would give me what I, as a child, called a “shit bomb” — though not to my parents’ face.


Mom woke me early that morning. “Billy, you haven’t gone to the bathroom for days. It will be at least an hour before your brothers and sisters get up. I’ll give you a suppository.”

I fought Mom. “No, I will be fine.” In truth I feared having Mom place something foreign up my butt. Mom sensed my discomfort.

She asked, “Would you like to stay home? That way if you need to go, I can wipe your fanny.” Mom was not gentle about wiping rear ends or noses for that matter. It was not a pleasant thought. I turned her down.

“Son, remember to ask Mrs. Barns (not her real name) if you have to go.”
I just waved as I got on the bus with its hydraulic lift. It went without saying, given the options Mom presented to me, that if I messed my pants that day, Mom would have a long session taking her egg-turner to my bare bottom.

I made it to lunch without a problem. Then, I found that Mom had filled my thermos with prune juice. Lunch started at 11:45 and ended around 12:15. By 1 I was dying. The prune juice was doing its job. My rear rumbled. I thought if I stayed in the wheelchair I would prevent the inevitable eruption in front of my classmates; after all, I hadn’t had a B.M. for three days. I recalled Mom’s words, “If you need to go, ask Mrs. Barns.”

Mrs. Barns was the Teacher’s Aide and a Registered Nurse. Still, being a ten-year-old, I felt uncomfortable about having to ask someone outside my family to wipe my bottom.

I would have succeeded too had it not been for our physical therapist Mr. Ben Oak (not his real name). Mr. Oak placed me in the standing box (see picture below). It was about a quarter past one. The class was playing a word game. It was a game at which I generally excelled. But on this day, I couldn’t concentrate. I was very uncomfortable.

Our teacher would put a long word on the blackboard, and we students had to get as many words as possible out of it. We would write our list on a yellow legal pad.

Around 1:30 I erupted. I attempted to squeeze tight. But nothing could stop the volcano.
Embarrassed, I whispered to Mrs. Barns what happened. Mrs. Barns phoned my folks. Mom woke Dad, who had just come home from work. Dad picked me in up in his station wagon. He was silent on the drive home. Though nothing leaked, the front seat where I sat smelled like crap.

As Dad carried me into the house, I yelled, “I am sorry, Mom.” There was no response. Dad laid me on the living room carpet to take my braces off and undress me; I was then taken into the bathroom. The smell nearly made me sick.

When Dad finished bathing me, he put my Phillies pajamas on me. (I proudly wore Jim Bunning’s number 14 on my back.) Dad put me into bed and closed the door. I didn’t have dinner that night.

After supper Mom came into my bedroom. She began our long talk with these words, “if I had given you the suppository this morning, smacked your bottom before putting on the toilet, I could have prevented this mess…I will remedy that right now!”
Before Mom said another word she picked me up, tugged my Phillies pinstriped bottoms down to my ankles and placed me across her lap and blistered my fanny with the egg turner. I have no doubt my backside was pink or red. I probably lied on my stomach that night. I also have no doubt my butt was throbbing. The only other things I recall of what Mom did that night were these words which she spoke to me: “by allowing others to help you, you help them to work out their salvation with God.” Mom had told me this many times; but that early fall evening, I heard and understood! I also know I’ll never forget Mom’s words! They have empowered me to ask for help when I’ve needed it. I also know Dad had to air the braces out for sometime!

I prayed for Mom’s intercession throughout the 2007 baseball season; though the Phillies didn’t make it past the first round of the playoffs, I know those prayers have been answered in a powerful way!

Originally posted 2007-10-11 08:20:00.

Phantom Pooper

Monday, 25 July 2016

It appears there is some sort of “Phantom Pooper on the loose in Idaho. Here’s the article.

Originally posted 2007-10-19 09:19:00.