Her Burning Shit Story

Thursday, 28 May 2015

As you may already know, i have a severe addiction to diet coke. On Sunday, I came to realize we had run out of it only after i had returned from Georgios with a delicious piece of tomatoe and pesto pizza. I ate the pizza accompanied by a glass of water but found this unsatisfying, so after i was finished I decided it was a very crucial matter for me to acquire a can of dc so i began the trek to 7-11. In my haste for that nutra-sweet, i forgot to consider that I had been unable to eat any amount of food for the past 2 weeks without a dash to the bathroom immediately after its consumption. As i walked to the store, my stomach began to rumble, but i thought its only 2 blocks… ill make it. By the time i reached the stores parking lot, the cramping had set in. I knew it was a matter of urgency but my need for diet coke prevented me from turning around and making the mad dash home. I walked in 3 people in line… no big deal.. ill be in and out. I thought of grabbing a little snack while i was there for later but after i close the cooler door i knew there was no time…. I reached the counter… and was confronted with the biggest loser hippy employee 7-11 has ever seen. He tormented each customer as they came… and had no sense of urgency in his dealings. I waited what felt like 4 minutes… pondering where the nearest toilet would be… i knew there was not one in 7-11… i eyed the parking structure across the street… could i really take the chance? Finally it was my turn, i threw the money at the cashier and made a split decision…my only chance was to make it home. I walked/ran home at an unprecedented speed. Ran in the back door… only to hear the voice of a male on the porch… could i really risk a boy coming upstairs after i had eleviated myself.. the answer was yes… i ran up the stairs only to hear another male friend’s voice in my roommmates bedroom just inches from the bathroom… knowing this boy the way i do.. i knew it would not be safe to shit in his vicinity, surely a comment would be made if he discovered what i had just done….. so i ran in the bathroom, grabbed a roll of toilet paper (thank god i had the foresight) and headed the bathroom downstairs… no one ever goes down there.. i would be safe. I flipped the switch to the bathroom… it began to flicker.. and as i rushed in, it turned out. I could not shit in the pitch black.. that ifelt was just asking for trouble… but what could i do?… i couldnt go back upstairs… i would need a new light bulb… and FAST. i rushed around the basement looking for lite that had easy access…. as there was only 2 to choose from i chose the one without a fixture over it. I couldnt turn the light out before i ripped it out of its socket bc the light switch was upstairs and hter ewas certainly no time to rush back to the top of the stairs.. so i grabbed a stray shirt from the dryer to use to shield my hand from the burns that would surely be delivered if i touched it with my barehand. I unscrewed it and in my frantic state shifted it from the the hand with the tshirt to the other scolding my fingers… but there was no time for burn treatment so i ran into the dark bathroom… and was confronted with a light fixture hanging by several oddly placed screws… i ripped the screws out, i dont even think i turned them and screwed the new light bulb on with the speed of an electrician. Finally i sat on the toilet,.. while at the same time nursing my burnt hand….

Originally posted 2009-10-16 09:20:00.

The case of the Mad Corn Shitter

Thursday, 28 May 2015

I was at Ponderosa one night with my gramma, I’m 29yrs old and don’t drive, so granny took me for dinner. I started to get pains in my gut while making myself a sundae. So I placed my dessert on the table, and went to drop trout. Upon my surprise the only open stall with a crapper had been used, and not flushed . There was corn filled feces on the seat and around the bowl. I had no time to clean before the defecation process was about to begin. So I squatted and let out some logs that would make an elephant proud. Just as I began to wipe my corn hole an employee came in and noticed the mess around the toilet and floor and called for the manager. I was getting blamed for the mad corn shitter. I tried to explain that it wasnt me, but they insisted that no normal person would crap over that disgusting mess and I had to have done it. So I was forced to leave without getting to enjoy my sundae, my granning called me a retarded pig and she would never go out to eat with me again.

Originally posted 2007-03-21 08:00:00.

Video:::OOOPS I Crapped My Pants

Wednesday, 27 May 2015

SNL commercial for adult diapers

Originally posted 2006-11-10 09:02:00.

Largest Log Award

Wednesday, 27 May 2015

I would like to join Frat Guy Antics in paying homage to the person who laid this turd. The length is impressive but I a more enamored with the girth. Apparently the guys that took this photo had to search for a camera because this nasty ass log seems to be deteriorating.

Originally posted 2006-06-09 15:00:00.

Perhaps the shittiest story, yet….

Tuesday, 26 May 2015

I’m not sure I can thing of anything more foul.


Originally posted 2006-06-08 10:23:00.

Plumbing Dump

Monday, 25 May 2015

My husband is a plumber and he got a emergency call on night while we were out to dinner. He said it wouldn’t take long so we went to the customers house. While he was inside I had to take a massive shit. I was eight months pregnant with my second child. I tried to call him but he wasn’t picking up his phone. I laid in the back seat of the truck for about twenty minutes. I couldn’t take it anymore so I opened up the truck door and squatted down on her carport and let it go. Thanks God it was dark. I needed something to wipe on and I located a pair of my husbands jeans and wipes my butt. He came out and we pulled out of her carport and there was a massive pile on her driveway. I told my husband what I did and he was pissed. He said he had to return to her house in the morning. I told him maybe she would think it was a dog. He said it looked like an elephant shit there.

Originally posted 2009-07-10 11:20:00.

Fire Fart: A Putrid Disaster

Monday, 25 May 2015

Lighting your farts on fire can be a tricky stunt to pull off, but the laugh factor can prove to be worth it if it is executed sucessfully. There are those few times, as with every loose brained stunt, where something does not exactly as planned, which brings me to the story.

It was late one night, and my friends and I had had a few to many drinks, and were living it up on the streets. We farted every couple blocks the way home, and laughed as we moved on. As we ventured further down the street, before I could make it to my appartment to call it a night, my friends pulled me away and forcebly suggested we visit a high-class resturant for some food. As we waited fora table, I couldn’t help but notice that all eyes in the place were on us, four drunken hoodlums, who some-how slipped in below the dress-code. The waiter lead us to the table and we ordered our food and began to wait. Over come by emense bordom, one of my friends started a gas war, seeing who could make the loudest, putridius, and/or grossest expulsion of gas (at this point, we forgot we were in a sophisticated resturant). Everyone who didn’t leave in disgust, merely stared at our table as the tuba concert continued, until, savagely, one friend pulled out a lighter and lite his fart a-blaze.

It was kind of likea small spurt of exhaust flame, that was surprising, but nothing to oogle at, but we are, nonetheless, laughing uncontrollably. Unfortunately, this is the moment where things go too far. One friend pulls down his pants so you can see his ass cheeks and sets off a burning fart that mimiced a high temper flamethrower. The complaints forced the waiter to begin to approach to tell us to leave, that is, until he saw what had happened next. My other friend attempted to top this deadly puff of fire, by pulling down his pants and getting the lighter ready. As he squeezed his gut, he let out the most putrid diarreah I ever laid eyes upon. The waiter stopped dead in his tracks as the spray of brown-ness landed on the carpet and was actually burning a litle bit. Someone near-by poured water on the burning shit and the waiter ran (I believe it was to inform the clean-up crew). Att his point, the manager came out screaming at us, and told us to go and never come back again. We ran out as quickly as possible, (my friend who was still trying to pull up his pants over his diarreah ass, lagged behind). Til this day, I have NEVER set foot in that resturant again.

Originally posted 2007-06-13 12:12:00.

Bad Day at School

Sunday, 24 May 2015

It was a normal school day, all my friends were there. Because im apparently “underweight” the school pays for my meals free. Which is good but not great. So this one monday morning i had the cafe i had a full english breakfast, by the end of it i was so full, but i really liked it. This started a mini trend so i kept having these huge cafe meals at lunch and breakfast everyday. It was friday when i was sitting at a table with the guys i hang out with and a friend of mine handed me a cup of water from the dispenser, i thought nothing of it.

Then about 30 minutes after i had the drink, we were still at the table when i felt i really really HAD to poo. My tummy was groaning insanely and so i moaned to my friends “ohhhhhh, i have to poo!!!” I got up and ran to the nearest bathroom, they were out of order! So i waddled to the other side of the school and as i ran i felt some poo slipping out so i groaned some more. I found the bathroom and at this point i had my hands on my ass to stop the crap from rapidly coming out. I apparently had such a worried and scared look on my face according to my friends. When i sat on the toilet the ammount of gross gurgly noises i made was horrendous. I was farting continuously with all the poo. I heard some girls near the sinks saying “ewwww!” and then rushing out. I didn’t really care, i had lossed all my dignity getting to the toilet anyway. I shouted “oh god, oh god, oh god!” as it was all still shoving out in a violent motion. As i put my knickers back on i realized that i made a mess in my panties anyway. I was thinking what made me poo so much, well i didnt crap in 5 days. But i was told by my best friend that some of my other friends played a prank on me and put laxatives in my drink!

Originally posted 2009-12-18 07:47:00.

Pooping at Target – ON TARGET

Sunday, 24 May 2015

My friend David was shopping for cards at a local Target department store near Charleston, SC and was in fact on the greeting card aisle perusing the selection of cards, carrying a handheld shopping cart when suddenly the urge struck. David quickly dropped his cart, clenched his throbbing butt cheeks and made an urgent dash to the restrooms in the front of the store.

David barely made it to the first stall and got seated before there was an explosion like a mighty river of liquid fire bursting forth from his loins into the mighty Target bowl. Before he knew what struck him, the everpresent flow of his bowels erupted forth filling the bowl with a force like no other. As David was moaning and writhing with gut wrenching spasms, he heard a meek young voice from outside the stalls…….

“Ewwwww, daddy, smells like poo!” the young voice strongly proclaimed. David sulked in his stall hanging his head in shame and waited until the young boy and his father left the bathroom. David quickly exited the stall and darted from the bathroom and out the front door of Target, never to purchase the greeting cards he originally sought to buy.

To this day, David has ambivalent feelings about entering the portals of Target as the ambiguous emotions surrounding the events of that day inevitably come flooding back into his mind…..much like that mighty river of liquid fire that came spewing forth like molten lava from his buttocks that fateful day.

Originally posted 2009-11-08 09:13:00.

Spider Ride Poop Story

Saturday, 23 May 2015

It was just before the beginning of my senior year in high school, the end of the summer. Me and some of the guys decided to party our our last weekend away before school. There was a carnival held at one of the elementary schools that Saturday night. So after getting some beers from and older buddy of ours and ordering the works pizza from pizza hut we headed off to play some cheesy games and maybe ride some rides. We had plans to make it fun.
We played and won some games, my buddy won a teddy bear for his girl and everything seemed going well until suddenly my stomach turned into a big knot, then it gurgled like a monster, then it burned like fire. I knew the warning signs and and went quickly to the disgusting porta potties, didn’t let my butt touch the seat though. I had bad diarrhea and was in the porta potty for a while, but just lied to my buddies that there was long line.
Well, about 20 minutes pass and my stomach feels worse than it did the first time around, only this time were up for the spider ride, a spinney fast carnival ride with cars for two. I tried to back out, making up a story that I was chicken but my friend drug me on.Just as I sat into the car I farted and liquid shit halfway filled my pants. The rest of my pants were filled with diarrhea during the spinning ride, and the friend I was sitting with on the car even got my shit on his pants.
I got off the ride and began throwing up. Turns out I caught an intestinal bug and was puking and shitting for three days.
I recovered, missed my first day of senior year, and got a nice reputation of the shitter man the last year of high school. But here it is two years later and me and my friends laugh.

Originally posted 2006-11-15 08:23:00.