A good way to embarrass your mother.

Thursday, 2 July 2015

One day when I was seven, I was about to visit a friends house for the day but felt I needed to take a shit, fearing it would be an unpleasant experience i decided to ignore the urge.
I arrived at my friends house and we headed out to the large forest at the back of her property which we often played in.
Then the trouble began.
After a long struggle to hold in my poop, I decided it was time to make a run for the house. My friend was not in the immediate area and I didn’t have time to find her so I began the trek from the forest to her house alone. Running seemed to make the urgency to reach a toilet worse and stopping made my muscles relax…. I just couldn’t win.
Unable to hold it in any longer, I allowed the turd to come out and thankfully my underpants prevented the shit from getting all over me….
Until in an effort to prevent my the embarrassment of having shitty underwear, I decided it would be best to take them off and sling them over a tree.While taking them off some more shit skidded out and smudged against my leg.
I managed to reach the house and finish pushing the rest out at the toilet. Then since i felt i had no other choice, I found my friends dad and told him I pooed my pants.
He rang my mum to pick me up and then I had to stand out in the driveway while he hosed me down.
After I ran down to the forest to find my friend and told them I shit my pants then I found my underpants hanging over the tree branch with a dozen or so flies around it.
My mum picked me up and took me home. She said it was the most embarrassing moment of her life.

Originally posted 2009-05-19 18:22:00.

Find the turd: Lost log in Furniture Store

Wednesday, 1 July 2015

I was furniture shopping with my wife and son. My son (13) needed to find a restroom and quick. He suddenly got a little upset and looked like he was going to cry. He told me he accidently “pooped.” We found the bathroom and he dropped his boxers to clean up. There was a poo trail down his leg and on the back of his sock but . . . no turd. He got cleaned up and we spent 15 minutes looking for the log he left somewhere in the furniture store. We never found it. We still laugh imaging what piece of furniture it rolled under, how big it was, and the look on someone’s face when they found it.

Originally posted 2006-07-15 12:07:00.

Dumb and Dumber: Harry Dunne takes a dump

Tuesday, 30 June 2015

A classic scene from a classic movie.


Originally posted 2007-07-06 16:15:00.

I Made Someone Else Crap Their Pants

Tuesday, 30 June 2015

At work, potty humor is the norm. A friend of mine was mildly backed up for a few days and I happened to have some notorious Smooth Move laxative tea. I made him a cup at night and told him it would take a few hours to kick in. The next morning, he said he didn’t feel anything except maybe a little urge to crap. After he got back from the bathroom, he said that wasn’t violent or anything like he was expecting. I didn’t bother to tell him that that was only the initial delivery and more was to come.

Now for a little background on this individual, when he farts, he REALLY bears down and pushes them out. So, after breakfast, it’s time for me to go home. As I’m driving home, I get beeped on my phone and it’s one of our other co-workers. I answer and the first thing he says is,”Hey, guess what Sam did.” Appearantly at the time I was getting called, Sam was washing clothes because he forced out a barrage of liquid poo into his shorts thinking it was fart.

Originally posted 2006-07-19 23:27:00.

From a Spanish TV show

Monday, 29 June 2015

I was watching a clip of some show on you tube. And there is a romantic comedy show in Spain where a wealthy charming guy has a problem with finding out which ladies is the right one for him. So after spending much time with the two ladies, he develops a funny method to selects. He requested the two ladies to goes to a restaurant he owed. There he leave for them two glasses of wine and a note telling them to meet him at the mansion within two hrs and he will have his decision ,on which one of them will be the love of his life. The two ladies drank the wines and went into a limo, provided by him of course. The ladies were wondering as to why the driver has taken the long way to get to the mansion.

          Within two hrs they made it there. The two ladies had to stay outside of the manor for a while before Mr. Prince charming came out to greet them. The guy talk for a great deal of times , the girls were getting quite nervous, one of them the one  in green shirt and black pant, were a bit uncomfortable and had a worried look on her face. The lady in the red and brown seem very relax to see the guy. The guy then announce that he need a woman who would stay with him no matter what and the woman who feel like she need to be inside the mansion instead of out here with him can go. The girl in red was looking confident; however , as for the girl in green and black pant she was looking like she was having some kinds of pain in her stomach and she’s having a hard time standing still as if she needed to use the ladies room. The guy then tell the two ladies that the wine he have them drink at the restaurant was his way of letting destiny help him choose his new bride. One of the glasses was laced with a powerful laxative. That will start to work within two hrs. The lady who choose that glass will not be able to denied her need to stay at the mansion and therefore , won’t be able to leave with him to goes fly off on his plane after this meeting. the lady in red and brown was checking her tummy to see if she was unlucky , then she look over to see her competition holding her side and looking sad and very desperate for a toilet. At this point it’s clear that the lady in red is the winner. As for the lady in green she was shaking with tears down her eyes and this time with one of her hand on the bottom, she tell the guy that she loves him and that there could be a mistake. Upon finishing her sentence she let out a long fart,  turns and ran straight for the mansion. She was gasping and moaning all the way there. The winning lady and her guy went to off to the airport and the was the end. It’s so ridiculously funny!!!!

Originally posted 2009-11-20 08:07:00.

It came from all directions

Monday, 29 June 2015

I thought this would be funny to share with strangers… i haven’t even told me mate this.

We’d been doing our usual saturday night drinking just before going out to Karaoke down the main street. Without thinking, we just locked up and left. It was only soon after, that I felt the urge to crap but since it was only about 10 minutes to the nearest pub I was going to hold it till I got to one (funny thing is that it would have been quicker to go home) It felt as if every step was helping to loosen my bowels but then the feeling eased.

Having been drinking a bit, my mate went into a vacant lot and started throwing up, his girlfriend went to see if he was ok. Unfortunately the sound of his vomiting was too much for my weak stomach and I leant over and began to throw up as well. I was asked if I was ok, I just held up my hand and said I’m fine. The next time I threw up, my bowels loosened and I could feel shit filling my pants. This caused me to throw up, which caused me to shit again. I told my mate I wasn’t well enough to go on so I was going to go home.
What’s that smell he asked. I told him I had just let one big smelly fart rip when I threw up and laughed as best as I could.
Well I think he brought it and began to walk home as best as I could, my mate and his girlfriend walked me home before setting off again.

I never said anything to my mate further, and I don’t know if he knew anything. I’ve thought about asking him about that night but haven’t yet… We usually talk about alot of stuff so I may

Originally posted 2006-11-03 07:51:00.

The Tuk-Tuk Incident

Sunday, 28 June 2015

In Bangkok, I was riding around town in a Tuk Tuk when we got stuck in traffic on Soi 3. As we inched along I realized that I desperately needed to shit – ASAP. So, I ducked out of the vehicle and dashed around the corner to a relatively quiet side street. When I was relatively certain no one was around I started to shit right on the sidewalk. As I was pulverizig the sidewalk with my fecal attack a woman walked by and gave me a look. I think it is safe to assume that she was not amused…..at all. When I finished what I was doing i wiped with a leaf and looked for another Tuk-Tuk.

Originally posted 2006-06-11 11:26:00.

A lesson in passivity.

Sunday, 28 June 2015

My shitty story takes place at a music festival. I woke up late that morning, just when my friends got to my house only leaving time for me to throw on clothes before leaving. We were about half way there, when i realized I had to poop really bad, so bad in fact, I nearly did it in the car. When we got to the festival there was a massive line of people waiting at the toilets and my friends didn’t want to wait for me because the bands were already playing. I didn’t want to get separated from them because there was like 1000’s of people so I pretended I could hold it even though I knew the likelihood of that was very slim. Everything was ok for a while but soon enough it started hurting my butt again so out of sheer desperation, i thought to myself that I could probably get away with just letting a little bit out to ease the pain, big mistake. It was totally massive and way hard so I had to let all of it come out. At first I was freaking out because it was so big but none of my friends noticed, which i thought was way cool. Unfortunately though the joke was on me when I found out we were going to stay there the night. My friends said they told me but they didn’t and I didn’t want to get into a argument so I pretended it was cool sleeping there even though I was really thinking OMFG, i have to sit in my own my shitty clothes all night long. Needless to say, it was not very pleasant.

Originally posted 2009-05-07 19:29:00.

Does a 2nd Grader shit behind a Garage?

Saturday, 27 June 2015

My 2nd grade son and his friend were outside playing when the friend informed my son he had to “go to the bathroom”. Being a typical male he told his friend to go outside and not to sweat it because he does it all the time. Acting on my sons suggestion and confidence the young boy went behind the garage. A few moments later my son returned from the front of the house to catch his friend taking a shit on the grass. In an act of panic my son ran inside and ratted out the backyard shitter. Having no idea how to handle public defecation I handed my son a wad of toilet paper and told him to give it to his friend. Now, I’m not entirely sure what I told my son after handing him the balled up tissue but I am almost certain that it was not “bring it back to mom when he is done”. None the less, my darling son returned to the kitchen with some feces covered toilet paper and offered them up to me. Not wanting to touch the excrement covered rag I told him to place it in the garbage can. After regaining my composure I went outside to handle things and instead found the boy being escorted home by a clueless father, entirely unaware of his son’s shitting issues. Having never dealt with anything similar to what transpired I sought out the advice of my neighbor who is in education. After careful analysis of the situation we decided the best course of action was to pretend it never happened with a back up plan. The back plan was/is to pretend that I am livid that there shit in my yard if by chance the poor potty training parents do call.

Originally posted 2006-10-10 20:29:00.

9 Bizarre Methods for Ass Wiping

Saturday, 27 June 2015

Funny, yet informative, post from Regretful Morning pertaining to historic methods for wiping your ass.

9 Bizarre Methods for Ass Wiping

Originally posted 2011-05-15 13:22:00.